Introducing... an amateur's first run

Ambition:

noun
1. an earnest desire for some type of achievement or distinction, as power, honour, fame or wealth, and the willingness to strive for its attainment.

Delusion:

verb (used with object)

1. to mislead the mind or judgment of

It's easy to confuse the two. So easy in fact, it's deterred me from pulling myself off my backside and grabbing the life that I tell myself can happen.

For years I’ve been an absent daydreamer, staring intently out of windows and living a fantasy life in my mind as though I’m the glamorous centrepiece of an RnB music video. Of course, this is until the song finishes and I look down to realise that I’m sitting in my pants with crisps in my hair, and in my bewilderment I’ve spilled tea all over the carpet.

It’s the easiest thing in the world to set yourself a target and believe that you’ll prevail and be an Olympic athlete by Christmas, but one of life’s biggest challenges is when the day you begin your new lifestyle arrives and you’re as unprepared as Trump was for his commencement to Presidency. I mean sure, on Monday morning I’m going to run six miles and eat a goat’s cheese salad, but it’s a lot easier said than done when in fact you’ve spent the weekend binging on Pot Noodles and Pringles with a cigarette break at 30 minute intervals.

I’m still as unprepared for adulthood now as I was when I left the utero, and the thought of publicly putting on the running shoes and attempting the first few steps makes me feel slightly terrified, if not a little bit whoozy. But you’ll never learn how to swim if you don’t go in the deep end, right? You’re much better off learning before you inhale a shit load of water and die.

Inspirational sporting metaphors aside, expressing myself through the art of linguistics is one thing I would often pride myself on, (that and my insuppressible ability to laugh hysterically at my own jokes), so for you, dear readers, I am finally going to put on the running shoes and try to persuade you to agree that I am, in fact, almost as good as I think I am. You may not laugh at my jokes (if you do, high five), but I promise that I will try to brighten your days with some crude anecdotes and an awkwardly relatable insight to adulthood, if you'll let me.

In my life I’ve procrastinated almost everything I’ve done, but up to this point it's still allowed me to live. I’ve travelled the world, made lifelong friendships, had vicious fallouts, moved house (more times than your average nomad), fallen in love, had a broken heart, embarrassed myself, impressed myself, hated myself and loved myself – so this should be enough inspiration to create some relatively interesting reads, right?

Here’s hoping.